when to end a relationship

another one from me... sorry about that. I think it is part of finding my path, and I get really interesting viewpoints here. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for almost a year (and known eachother for 6 years, and been really close friends). He is wonderful in every way and really loves me, but my concerns are that we don't have anything in common (except buddhism, but he refuse to discuss that of spiritual reasons), and we have different future plans (I want to move to another country, he doesnt). Also we have gotten to a really boring point where we watch tv together or we each sit in front our own computer. My main passions in life are art (making), travel and spirituality, and he doesnt share these. My main concern though is that he wants to stay here, I stayed an extra year for him but my intuition is pressing me to go now. Also I dont really feel romantically about him, allthough I am physically attracted to him and really care about him. He is 6 years older than me, and really mature so I am afraid we have gotten into these roles where he parent me, and I feel I am getting weaker and weaker and getting really dependent on him. Also he has done a lot I Still need to do, studied in another country, developed his spirituality very far, and he has a clear life purpose, so I can understand that he wants to "settle" a little. The thought of being alone again seems both exciting and frightening, but I am afraid I wont find anyone as good as him.

Reading your post it seems to me that once you got together with your boyfriend you where seeking yourself in him, now you are starting to seek you in YOU and that to me is good, to me that means you are starting to learn how to love you and that will make you stronger.

Reading your post I also get a sense that you would like us to give you permisson (put on the edge) to leave your boyfriend, no one can give you that but you. It seems like the role you have within the relationship are no longer the role you want to play, but you don't know how to get out of that role.

You can't live you life through someone else and if you boyfriend is as spiritual as you say he would understand that you want to go travel, that however would not mean you have to end the relationship. Being in a relationship to me is about supporting each other in pursuing individual dreams as well as the dreams you have together as a couple.

If you want to go travel, go do that .... don't live life with regrets. You have no guarantees that you would live with your boyfriend the rest of your life, but you will guaranteed live with you. It may be that by go traveling the relationship will natually come to an end, but it may be that you become more depended on yourself and your relationship after that will grow to a new level.

Follow your dreams, don't let anyone take that away from you, that is possible to do in a relationship which is supportive to one another.

Hugs Daya

Two people in a relationship should be supportive and both should be supportive of each other. One should grow in each other's company and not feel suffocated.

You should start doing things you love. It is not necessary that he should also do the things which you want. You both can have different passions and still be supportive and encourage each others passions. I have experienced partners who have encouraged each others hobbies even if they are not interested. When you talk to him about the things you would love to do, he might support you and eventually join you.

And you should start travelling if you like it. I have travelled with my other friends even when the person i was involved with could not accompany me. Trust me it is also fun when u do things alone and with your other friends.

Hope you take a good decision...

Thanks! Great response. yes he would definetly understand and is very supportive.
I have travelled a lot on my own, I have been used to being completely free and doing whatever Iwant, so this considering another person is quite new to me, and strange.
I talked to him today, and thought about this, and realized he is great, and cares more about my happiness than about keeping me in ownership. I guess it is just a subconscious fear I have, to be trapped.
Also, I keep wanting to travel, not necessarly all the time, but at least a few months every year. Is that strange? I feel like it inspires me a lot, and also gives me a really good perspective. Also when I have been studying it is good to have travelled so much beforehand. And it gives me a new perspective on my hometown, being away for some months (or years). People (my family especially) says that I am running away and wants me to get a "proper" life with a 8-4 job (which sounds like hell to me). I think this is my internal struggle, in a way my familys envy at this lifestyle, since for them life is hard and unsatisfying, and one cannot do what one wants to (other than as a hobby) and my fear of being trapped in a trivial life.

For people who do not have the desire to travel it can seem like a way to excape what they have become to learn as a fact of live. I do understand your family's view - to them it is a matter of you growing up and they may not see other possibilities then settle down and get a "proper" life. They are just scared for your future and that to me shows that they care about you, be grateful for that.

Now about the traveling part - if I had the option I would go travelling much more than I do - to me it expand my horizon and have helped form the person I am today. I love different cultures and way of thinking as this ad to me. Maybe you could figure out how to make it your career somehow - either by writing travelling books or adding to your creative mind doing art which you could sell. I think you are a person who need inspiration to feel you are living, honor that, is it part of who you are at this moment in time.

Hugs Daya

You've just received wonderful advices, nube! Hope you will follow your heart and live and enjoy life

I agree with Daya that the behaviour of your family is completely acceptable. They have grown up in a system and want us to be in the and they think that we would be happy in that system only. Sometimes they might be correct also. And even if you follow your dreams, your immediate family will always support you. I am one such person who did not fit into the family or social set up in somewhat strong conservative social system of India, but luckily my parents always supported me and i am living on my own terms

Do not fear nube.

When we want to achieve something, something else will be taken from us.
When we are losing something, we are gaining something better.

Couple should support each other. Simple example I can share is Allison and Joe Dubois. I don't know their life totally but Allison is more on spiritual side, while Joe is completely technology kind of guy. But they are compatible to each other ( and I got a feeling someone is disagree..sorry about it). My main point is, they stay together.

Issues on different interests can be resolved if both willing to learn from each other and learn with respect. However, if both couple choose to live apart, the issue have changed. Physical distance not really helping.

Back to your scenario, when you find yourself and you love your entire being more than before, someone better would come into your life. And if he does, he walks together with you, just like you walk with him on his path. Do not fear that you might not get good guy like your boyfriend. You think of great guy and you get great guy. You ask for better guy, and you get better guy.

Enjoy the journey in finding yourself, loving yourself and expand your life. He (the good guy you desire) will come to you when you are ready to settle for 'you' and for him.

thank you for your support in my travelling/moving about dreams, and also this gave me a new way to view my family, I have somehow not comprehended that they want what is best for me, when what they seem to suggest so clearly is not. Sometimes I have envied friends that come from artist parents, or more spiritual parents, but maybe mye parents are my choice, to better know what I am about and not question if it comes from my parents. Also I realize that it is time to agree to disagree, they are nice people but not necessarly someone I would have befriended if we were not related.
I read your story cha-zay and it was really nice to read something I could really relate to, and it made me feel really understood. and also find that it is a valid way to live, more freely. That is what I have decided upon, to be less relative and actually do what I want, not think that everyone elses life is more "valid" etc. I wish you good luck on your life journey. Have you learned hindi yet? I really want to learn hindi/and or sanskrit. I know about a good school in India, if you dont have any particular place in mind.
I think as of my boyfriend, he is great, and he even allows me freedom, and I am really not into meeting anyone else, I dont even think about it, so no reason to break it off. I have this idea that we can have a SImone de Beauvoir/Sartre relation, with lots of freedom, openness, and also a lot of love as a foundation. I talked to him about the need I have to really talk and connect, and he understands that, and I need to learn to ask for it as well. If it is not meant to be it is not, but for the time being, I am realizing it is very good. This forum has really made a lot of things clear for me. THank you once again

Cha zay i was expecting you here sooner...ya you should stay here and experience the diverse cultures and colours. And till then alongwith SRK hum aapko hindi sikhaenge......I think i am hijacking this post of nube ..may be in some other post.

Travel genes.... Some have them some don't. I've got those traveling bones.... I took off the traveling shoes for a few years and found that the pull of travel was too much... The shoes didn't fit anymore so I went out barefoot... Ummm ok that's a stretch.... I bought new shoes. Life gives us roads to travel. Some are short... And others long.... There are places along the way to stop, rest, become comfortable and enjoy... But they are but sort peaceful places between one place and another. Enjoy your road... Be at peace on the road and, if once and awhile it takes you back to a place you were before, remember the peace. For some of us the road is home... Those short places in between.... That's what we call vacations... Best travels and adventure! Bob