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Who Is In Your Inner Circle?

Discussion in 'Self Esteem and Confidence' started by Dr. Cha~zay, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. Dr. Cha~zay Creator on so many levels

    Let's face it - everyone gets 24 hours in a day, no more, no less. Oprah gets 24 hours, Bill Gates gets 24 hours, you and I get 24 hours. That's it! What we do with it and who we spend time with during these 24 hours is completely up to us...it's called freedom to choose...

    And it never fails to amaze me that people are wasting their precious time with people they have no business hanging out with. Think about it, we spend time with family members, employers, friends, spouses and others who come into contact with us throughout the day. The day is only so long and before we know it, evening is upon us and we didn't spend a lot of quality time with those we really wanted to spend our time with. Tomorrow is another day and we do it all over again...and so life is passing by in slow motion...

    The number one reason for people to get to a place of desperation is loneliness (as a suicide hotline counselor I should know). Only one thing is worse than being alone - being with the wrong person.

    Look at this picture. Cause and Effect...
    inner-circle.gif
    The yellow center is you (cause) - you're the sun of your own life. The red circle are those you come in contact with the most, those that are affected by you the most (effects). Note, these are not the people you necessarily want to hang out with, these are just the people you spend most of your time with. These are the people that receive the rays of your shining sun the most.
    The blue circle are people you may come in contact with once in a while but not on a regular basis and definitely not very frequently. These could also be the people who come in contact with the people who are in your red circle. The white circle represent people you don't come in contact with but they may be affect by you in some indirect way. The black circle represent the rest of humanity that you never come in contact with throughout your life time, and they may or may not be affected by you in very indirect ways.

    Back to your yellow circle, your immediate, inner circle of those you spend most of the time with.

    If life is limited to 24 hours a day and there is only so much time to spend with those we truly want to spend time with, shouldn't we make sure that we have friends in our inner circle that are of utmost integrity and are people we truly enjoy spending time with?

    Then why do we spend such a big part of our day with people we'd rather not spend time with in the first place? Why do we work for an employer we can't stand, doing a job we dislike?

    Life is too precious and too short to give attention to people who are not growing as a result of our presence in their life, and in turn, we are not growing as a result of their presence in our life.

    One woman said to me: "If I look at it that way then I'd have to get rid of everyone in my life and I would be alone. I don't want to be alone."

    This happened to me a few years ago and I realized that my friendships had reached their end. It was time to send them along their way and create a vacuum for new friends to enter my life. And it happened faster than I anticipated.

    The same applies to dating - people would often rather 'settle' or 'compromise' for a mediocre relationship than keep themselves available for the right life partner to enter their life. Often people tell me: "He's good enough for now, I enjoy his company for the time being and when that true love enters my life I will leave this person to be with the other person." Wrong, wrong, wrong!

    Your true life partner will most likely never be able to enter your space because someone is already occupying his space! In order for your true love to find you there has to be a vacuum, a space for him to enter. If you're already taken by someone else, why would he enter your life? Relationships take time and energy and why would you want to spend time and energy on someone you know is not your true life partner!? It doesn't make energetic sense!

    Rather, tend to YOU and work on you. Practice self care. Get yourself ready for this amazing life partner so that he or she will be proud and ready to enter your space. If you have someone else hanging around you'll first have to get rid of the millstone around your neck and you'll be new guy's rebound project at best. You deserve so much more than that!

    Hold out, hold out for everything. Hold out for true love. Finding your life partner is the most important decision you will ever make in life. No other decision will impact you and those around you as much as this one decision to choose a life mate. Make it your highest priority - choose wisely and never, ever settle.

    Remember that this is not a dress rehearsal, this is your life!

    Honor your time, honor your Self and your friends and give of your Self to those who can and want to grow as a result of having you in their life. And visa versa. Life is about expansion, growth and change (and a little bit of contraction here and there).

    Sending you courage and love to help you protect and honor your time and your inner circles!
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    Dr. Cha~zay, Oct 25, 2011
    #1
    Myself, Teri Van Horn, Ladyroses and 2 others like this.

  2. Lee A Jackson To Grow & Transform

    As I have come to understand about circles of friends and things, is that the people closest to you, in there in the red zone are the ones which you come into contact most with because you have attracted them into your life. Like attracts like as the saying goes, and therefore, if you stop and look at the company you are keeping, really stop, you will probably get a good reflection of yourself. If you are an energetic goal getter, that is the type of person who will be in your closest circle of friends. Likewise if you are easily depressed then you will probably have attracted a lot of people who exude negativity into your life. If you see something in friends that you don't like, it is probably because you have that same trait, and it is a message that you may need to change. It is easy to attract the wrong people into your life, because it usually delivers things which feeds the ego (trying to win arguments, feeling unworthy of success etc) and the ego is never satiated.
    Saying that, I think there is a special friendship bond which shares your space. Your soul mate is in this exclusive group, and for me this is my everything, my wife. I have had to work on breaking down my own boundaries, which is hard to do because we are all naturally self protective, in order to let her in. It has taken work, I won't deny that, but it is a willingness of wanting her sharing my space. There are also extremely special friends, which also bond uniquely in their own circle, very close to you. These are the friends who you may not speak to for months, but you know they will be there for you when you need them, no matter what. It is a type of friendship which goes way beyond material friendship. I believe that it is by no accident that we have these special people in our lives. We don't meet anyone by accident, we meet people to receive messages about ourselves.
    I have, and I am sure everyone has, tolerated certain friends in social circles. It is just to be polite so as to not hurt their feelings, and that is fine. But examine fully if they are [inadvertently] hurting you by being in your life. But the bottom line is, if you really stop and honour yourself, then as Cha~zay mentions, then you have a lot to offer to your friends. When you are in tune with yourself you will attract the right people into your close circle in order to grow and to give.
    Lee A Jackson, Nov 6, 2011
    #2
    Myself, Teri Van Horn, Ladyroses and 1 other person like this.

  3. Dr. Cha~zay Creator on so many levels

    I love hearing you talk about your wife, it's so sweet and amazing! It sounds like you two are super happy and blessed!

    [quote="
    I have, and I am sure everyone has, tolerated certain friends in social circles. It is just to be polite so as to not hurt their feelings, and that is fine. But examine fully if they are [inadvertently] hurting you by being in your life. [/quote]

    As far as tolerating people in our lives who have no business being there, there is a saying that goes: "Before you say to yourself that you're not good enough, examine if you're not just surrounded by assholes."

    Sorry for the bluntness, but I think it gets the point across that many are indeed surrounded by people who are way too negative and unsupportive of our highest good at times.

    I love that you have such a great supportive wife in your life who believes in you and supports your desire to be a writer!!
    Dr. Cha~zay, Nov 6, 2011
    #3
    Teri Van Horn and Lee A Jackson like this.

  4. Lee A Jackson To Grow & Transform

    Thanks Cha~zay. Love your quote. It is very true. And I have been blessed with my wife!

    I am pretty sure that because everything changes, everything will eventually balance itself out, and those friends around you who are not good for you, will eventually drift away. Truths of situations will come out, and that is when you are left with your special core. But there is always room for new friends to enter, ones that you will recognise as being more in tune with you.

    Over time, as I have grown spiritually, I have come to appreciate my friends, those hard core few, so much more.
    Lee A Jackson, Nov 8, 2011
    #4
    Teri Van Horn and Cha~zay like this.

  5. Ladyroses Golden Sun

    Both are so true. Mirror effect. I learnt from my mistakes many times. I used to spend time with those who were 247 available to me physically (office people and social people) but not mentally and spiritually. The energy I got from these people were more negative than positive. When I tuned myself to fit their energy, I've turned myself into something negative too.

    The result, most of the good things in my life stop from entering my life or it came slowly...very very slowly. I hurt people with negative comments and what happened again, I got slapped by karma.

    When I choose to change and spend time with people who help me growth positively, spiritually and mentally... everything in my life changed too. More positive people came into my life. They either stop by and help me out with my life or they stays and connected to me through prayers. Good things followed. I felt so much loves and positive these days.

    Cha~zay, I believe what you have said about creating space. And to Lee, I love your quote. Both of you, beautifully said. Thank you.
    Ladyroses, Dec 20, 2011
    #5
    Teri Van Horn, Lee A Jackson and Cha~zay like this.

  6. Daya Golden Sun

    ChaZay what a strong and wonderful writing - I truely enjoyed reading this and I totally agree with you all the way. I love the clear and precise way you describe it with the circle and I am going to steal that idea, if okay with you, if I ever need to explain it to others.

    Love Dori
    Daya, Dec 20, 2011
    #6
    Teri Van Horn, Lee A Jackson and Cha~zay like this.

  7. Dr. Cha~zay Creator on so many levels

    I use the 'bullseye' technique when teaching the 'cause and effect' class. It is also how I taught my daughter the valuable lesson of taking responsibility. It works because cause is always internal and effect is always external. We'd rather change our friends than changes ourselves... I think our major lesson is: love within, then love without is automatic.
    Dr. Cha~zay, Dec 20, 2011
    #7
    Myself, Teri Van Horn, Lee A Jackson and 1 other person like this.

  8. Lee A Jackson To Grow & Transform

    I like this quote a lot Ladyroses, because it points to a couple of things. Firstly you recognise the fact that you were clearly attracting negative people into your life and therefore you were ready to change all that up. Secondly the change will have come from a want of changing yourself, to be a more positive and spiritually progressive soul. So you have placed yourself in a very positive place by the sounds of it, as you create your environment.

    I need to add something here to this. An experience I had a couple of days ago. Out of the blue this older gentleman walks into the computer room at our apartment complex and just starts talking to me. A total stranger. He told me some pretty startling things (which aren't relevant to this thread) but there were relevant parts. Notably the fact that he said, "I could tell when I walked in that you were at peace. I don't just speak words I only make promises. You have something special, something special and good is coming to you. I will walk back out of here soon and we will never see each other again. But at some point in the future, be it 5 years, 10 years or 20 years, you will remember this conversation and recall what you need to from it for a very specific reason. We didn't meet by accident. I don't do this (sit and give messages to people), I have maybe done this three times in my life. But we were here at this point for a reason, and you will know when the time is right, as to why. Thank you too because I have received a big gift too from you." That's a bit of paraphrasing but that was the message. I tell you, he left and I felt really a little bit spaced out to be truthful. Something powerful in energy like, I could not pull away from this gentleman as he was talking. I was really transfixed. Very unsual experience. He had just walked in out of the blue, the room was quiet and he just started talking to me, didn't want to know anything about me, not what my job was and didn't ask my name until the end.
    Just though I'd share the experience with you all! ;)
    Lee A Jackson, Dec 28, 2011
    #8
    dori, Myself, Teri Van Horn and 1 other person like this.

  9. Dr. Cha~zay Creator on so many levels

    I'm glad you wrote it down here and are sharing it with us. God-given this blorum will still exist in 5, 10, 20 years from now so we can hear about this very experience again in the years to come! We're all eagerly awaiting your 'aha' moment and sharing in that special meeting of yours 20 years earlier... :notworthy:

    PS: You may want to mark your post with a special 'code word' that you will remember years from now so you can search the forum by its code word. ;)
    Dr. Cha~zay, Dec 28, 2011
    #9
    Teri Van Horn and Lee A Jackson like this.

  10. Teri Van Horn Golden Sun

    I love this post... powerful & to the point... sort-of like the target! I've discovered that throughout my life I was surrounded by those who were only interested in tearing me down. Since I had always experienced this with family, when it came to relationships, I went with what I knew & was actually uncomfortable when people were nice & complimentary to me. It was something I truly couldn't understand! :eek:

    Thank the Good Lord & a bunch of exhausted Angels, I am now in a place where I deal only with those who are supportive. The circle is extremely small, as I still only trust a few to be in the inner circle. Because of my life experiences, for a very long time I skipped the red circle entirely & had a very small blue one... keeping everyone at a distance so that they wouldn't be able to harm me. As I've become older, I've realized what I've missed, but I know for certain that those who are still in the inner circle are tried & true... they are the ones I know will be there for me no matter what.

    In any given day, I come in contact with approximately 2 million people thru my FaceBook pages & postings (counting friends of friends & fans). They are my white circle & in some small way, I'm able to brighten their day or give them encouragement, which totally brightens my day, in return!

    For everyone in my 'target', I am eternally grateful... for even those who we barely make contact with, they can also provide us with gifts during our lifetime. The gift of their friendship, the gift of a laugh when we need it most, the gift of a lesson, there are so many ways we can impact others & that they can impact us in return! Blessings!!!
    Teri Van Horn, Dec 29, 2011
    #10
    dori and Cha~zay like this.

  11. Myself Silver Moon

    Love the story :) A friend of mine had a similar experience when he was taking a break from work. We indeed never meet by accident and find it great to hear that such things occur for it means we are not the only people on this journey with our eyes towards the light :)
    Myself, Jan 5, 2012
    #11
    dori and Cha~zay like this.

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